Enter Sandman

by Racy Red

I love sex. Sure, there are parts about sex that don't thrill me; the lockjaw of a good hummer given, the damned wet spot which always seems to be on my side of the bed and the fact that since the kids have grown up a bit more I can't be as um, vocal as I'd like.

Nothing kills the mood when the kiddies wander in mid-thrust and ask why it sounds as if daddy is killing mommy.

I can deal with the downside of making love since the upside is worth it's weight in Wunderbars.

There is nothing better than a good, hot, sweaty ride on the daddy-pony (providing it ain't your daddy...I'm a redneck but even I have rules.)

However, as much as I like a great fuck, there are times when this tired momma doesn't have enough left in her after a day of raising kiddies to put in a full eight seconds on that throbbing bronco of passion.

Ya, I admit, there are nights when I'm hard to motivate and harder to move.

It's not that I don't want to get all nasty up in his face or pump him so hard his willy wants to fall off, it's just that the lure of my pillow is sweetly calling my name and it doesn't expect anything more labour intensive from me that the shuttering of my eyelids.

Sure you've managed to warm me up, what with the miraculous back rub and the sweet words of love whispered in my ear.

But the Sandman is singing his witchy song and this gal needs her beauty rest if she doesn't want to look and act like a hag from hell the next day.

Understanding her man has his needs, I'll play along while ignoring the siren call of sleep beckoning my name. I'll pony up the goods. But truth be told, my heart isn't always in it.

Sometimes, I'm doing it for my man, not because I'm some sexed up kitten who can't eat at the sausage buffet enough, but because it's easier to go along for the ride than to fight him off. I'll admit, there are times when I'm just phoning in the effort.

Sure I'll bounce around, suck and kiss and do all the things I normally would, but my heart isn't in it. Sure I'll whisper in his ear and tell him that his wonder wand is the biggest in the land, but I'm not doing it to reach the golden prize at the end; no, I'm doing it so he will hurry the fuck up (literally), finish, and roll off me to leave me to my sweet peace of the pillow.

Ya. It's not that I don't love him. But at that moment, I love sleep more. And I remember that time when he was exhausted and rose to the occasion to make my fantasies come true. More than once.

But sometimes, no matter how hard he tries, no matter if my ankles are behind my ears or I'm on all fours, this girl can't reach the finish line. All I can focus on is sweet, sweet slumber. Yes, it feels good, do you really think I'd welcome the willy in if it wasn't pleasurable? But all the thrusting and clit-licking and stroking in the world sometimes isn't enough to make me fly over the moon to that sweet paradise of orgasm.

Sometimes I just want him to hurry up and fuck me. No foreplay necessary, just get in, get off and get out. It's not a reflection on his prowess in the art of love, nor is it a reflection on my love for him.

It just means I'm fucking tired but I'm game. A man should look at this as a gift, not a challenge, grab the golden ticket and hop on board with a happy smile.

This does not mean take your sweet ass time, recite the alphabet, think of your mother nekkid, and do all in your power to prevent ejaculation in the hopes I will catch up and sprint towards the finish line with you.

That energizer bunny act you practice, try saving it for a night when I am more interested in pony pouncing. All that prolonged thrusting is succeeding in doing is rubbing a gal dry and creating more friction than rubbing a balloon in your hair and sticking it to the wall.

When a woman says "Are you done yet? Hurry up," this does not mean try harder.

This means, "My knees hurt, I'm running out of fantasy men to think about, I'm starting to chaff and I want to go get a glass of water and go to sleep."

It means, "I love you so much that I'm foregoing my rest and using my body as a vestibule of love so that your physical needs are met and all will be right with the world."

It doesn't mean a man sucks as a lover, his willy is too little, or that we are secretly dreaming about the soft, lapping of a woman's tongue on our clit. (Well, most of the time it doesn't mean any of this.)

It just means, "I'm tired. HURRY THE FUCK UP AND BE DONE before I shove you off."

It's not the end of wild monkey sex love as you have known it.

Give me a good nap, a nice red and I promise, I'll be bouncing on your rod of love with all the enthusiasm of a horny, young cheerleader the next time.

Comments

[Ms. Crafty Wanna-Be]

Ahhh....T....you crack me up. I say "Amen, Sister" to your post.

Poor Boo...what does he think of you posting this on the good ol' internet?

Glad to hear the two of you are making up for lost time...when's his vacation over...and back to work?

[Jackie]

Amen!

[Boo]

Well to be quite frank darlin', I was here when she wrote the post. Although I may disagree a tad...my rod is so exciting she should be begging to ride it, I'm game to her interpretation. Besides, it's good for a laugh!

Thanks for thinking of me though.

Boo

[metro mama]

hear, hear!

[Texas Tornado]

My husband jumped on me in a fit of after work/pre-supper horniness a few weeks ago and I found myself saying, "Will you please come so I can eat? I'm starving!" Which, of course, only served to delay things. So then I had to tell him he was BAD, very BAD, and whisper exactly what his punishment was going to be. He came pretty quick after that. ;-)

Very funny post, Racy Red.

[Hannah]

I salute both you and Boo for not minding that this is posted... on the interweb... and linked from the blog that apparently your kids (and their friends) know about. Your boldness intimidates me.

And I feel better knowing that I'm not the only one. Wasn't it Elaine on Seinfeld who said "sometimes it's enough already and I just want to get some sleep"?

[daysgoby]

hear, hear!

[motherbumper]

Oh yes, so true and I'm forwarding this one to the hubby.

[mollyrobin]

Oh my good God- I have never been able to check out this site- always take a read-break on the net at work at the Giant Company Where Big Brother Watches Your Every Move and am now on vacation on my Ma's computer~ so she'll have to pass out when she goes through her recently visited sites and cleans out the temp ineternet files. I am so going to be grounded....or just get a "Oh Robin." You are friggin too much. Too much I say. Your Boo is a lucky man to say the very least. THANKS for having the female nads to maintain this site! It wasn't until after Baby Daddy left I realized what a tyrant I can be in the sack with my newly found significant other! One experience...call it Wisdom or lackthereof...do not eat an orange any time before travelling south if you perchance are one that will swallow. It has the magic of the whole brush your teeth and then eat a citrus fruit effect. At least it did for me. NOT HOT to jump up running to the throne .2 seconds after said event. Gotta have yer moments.

On the driving thing...my ex-fiance' and I got pulled over during the event. 2 in the morning on some back road in the Yoop after my uncle's wedding. Now that was a moment....of class. I agree....save it for foolish Puppy Love.

Too much Miss Racy Red

Robin

[Rose]

Amen sister! Sometimes you just want to get to the nitty gritty and forget about the foreplay! Men who take offense at that are just plain silly, they should recognize how awesome that it sometimes.

[kittenpie]

Too true. This is when I'll hitch my ankles higher to speed it along...

[Mrs. Chicky]

A-freaking-men, sistah. A-freaking-men.

[carrie]

So true. So true.

[Teresa]

Sometimes I swear you are living in the same marriage as I am. There are so many times where I would be totally willing, if I thought he would just get in, do his business and get out so I can get to sleep, or better still, get back to reading my book..hehe.

I think I shall show him this post, although, I wonder if he will get the hint?

[deb]

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Just so you know, you get more tired as you get older, but on the upside, I have more orgasms than when I was younger, just less sex. Go figure.

[jozet]

ROFL!

Ah yes...I do love me some sleep.

Sleep is the new sex.

[moosh in indy.]

Wunderbars, ooohhh, uhhmmm, WHAT? OH! You mean Wunderbars. Gotcha.
You mean everyone doesn't already subscribe to the get in get off get on with life philosiphy? Pity.
We have the three levels of boatrides in our house, speedboat, sailboat and yatch. What you describe is speedboat, maybe even jetski. We use these boat terms because we are silly silly shy Christians who don't swear or talk dirty even in the throes of passion. HOW'S THAT FOR HOT, EH?
I'm a beacon of knowledge for bad girl lovin' gone good.

[Worker Mommy]

Just moments ago I read a bedtime story to my kids. Now I think I shall use this as a bedtime story for hubby. He needs to hear that someone else...many someone elses feel this way too.
Of course he'll probably miss the point and think I'm reading him this to get him horny and then he'll pounce. On second thought maybe I won't read it to him. Tonight is one of those nights I love sleep more

[jen]

i adore you both. and i LOVE that i can picture your hottiness rolling around in the hay.

[Jennifer McKenzie]

I wish I had the nuts to say this one to my hubby. I've learned to speed things along, especially when I KNOW I'm never going to get there.
It always helps to know the right buttons to push him over the edge.

[Kyla]

'Tis the beauty of a quickie. In and out and on with life. Nothing wrong with that. I do love that finish line, but sometimes I love sleep a little bit more. And the finish line will always be there tomorrow.

[Binky]

Sorry, I can't relate. In my relationship, it's my husband who can't resist the lure of the pillow. And he doesn't even try most of the time.

[mothergoosemouse]

"why it sounds as if daddy is killing mommy" - you said it!

I've finally managed to get this same message across myself - I'm willing to accommodate, but sometimes I'm too tired to play my part.

[Jenifer]

Oh my freakin God... you said this so well, I am bookmarking the post and making hubs read it!!

You go girl!

[kgirl]

That goes quadruple for a 7-month pregnant wife.

[Gunfighter]

My take...

If it is that much of a bother, I'll just wait. How much fun can sex be when the other person is just "doing it for you"?

But that's just me.

[Denguy]

Holy crap, I'd take it--no problemmo!

[Michelle]

Hilarious.. and so so true!