Sex on the Sly

guest post by Miss

Did you know that it sucks having to move back home? Going through a divorce stinks, but so does going back to live with your parents. Now imagine trying to have sex back at home. We all sneaked around when we were teenagers to get some behind our parents' backs. As an adult it just gets trickier. Sure, waiting until they leave the house is always the easiest thing to do. But when you have a child? A child who doesn't go with grandma and grandpa? You need to get creative!

Step one: testing. You have to test out different areas for sound, ability, and whether or not you both fit in the desired space. My boyfriend and I always do a sound check first. One of us stays in the room and duplicates the sounds of our "fun", and the other spot checks different rooms and we make note of the place where we can't be heard anymore. Because of this method, we know we can't be heard from my parents' room when we are in my room. You also can't hear us when we're in the shower. From any room in the house. For a house built in the 70's, it has great insulation.

Step two: timing. When is the best time to get friendly in this living situation? We usually save it for late at night since both my "roommates" are early risers. We can get sneaky when they leave the house for a few hours on the weekends and the kid is preoccupied with a movie or game. I know I don't have to explain the "quickie" to any parent out there.

Despite the challenges of having sex while living back at home, I have managed to get laid quite frequently there. Sure some may see it as a sign of disrespect but really, your parents did it when you lived there as a kid. And as much as you want to deny it, they know you are having sex now and they will figure out that you are having sex again under their roof. Your messed up hair and satisfied smiles will usually give you away. But believe me, it's better than not getting laid at all.

The most important thing to remember is to try and have fun, otherwise sex at home will just turn into work and worry. And sex should NEVER be either of those things!

 

Comments

[metro mama]

It's hard enough getting it these days without parents in the house!

[zdoodlebub]

"Testing" is the awesomest idea ever! Next time we're home for a visit, I'll remember that one. Where were you and your sly ideas when I was 16?

[Di]

Sounds like a lot of work...as an old married woman, I would probably fall asleep while my partner was in the proposed location duplicating the sounds. But if he looked like the guy in your picture, maybe not!