Taking Matters Into Your Own Hands

by Racy Red

Sex. It's not only a fun activity after consuming a bottle of wine and several tequila shots; it is a topic of conversation; and the common denominator that unites us all like nothing else. Except perhaps the weather.

After all, we all like to have sex. And unless you are a nun or a monk, sequestered far, far from society in some rural monastery, chances are you've had sex. More than once. And liked it.

Of course, some people like sex more than others. And some people have more sex than others. And some people should just never have sex ever. For the sake of society.

Yet sex unites us all. The great equalizer. Which is why we talk about sex so often, why it is important. Shagging matters. 

But what the hell do you do if you aren't getting any? What if you are the single parent on the street, working long hours to provide for your child, with no time or opportunity to meet a mate or at the very least, a warm body to occupy the back seat for an hour?

What if you have been married for six years and your partner is more interested in the programmes on the telly than the action they'd see between your legs?

What if, like me, your loved one works far, far away from your bed and is only home once a month for a few short nights, leaving a stretch of weeks longer than an unpaved, rural county back road, before you see any action?

I mean, people in prison have more sex than I do, for crying out loud.

(Silly me, did I just drop that bar of soap? Let me bend over and grab it...)

Well, since I'm not about to dry up like an old weathered prune waiting for my man to come home and pony up his penis, I've had to get creative in satisfying my sexual cravings.

Yes, that means I've taken matters into my own hands a time or two. Or three. Okay, so it happens so often I've lost count. This mouse needs to be clicked. Like any other skill, you either use it or lose it. And I don't want to get rusty, if you know what I mean.

However, manual masturbation takes energy. It's not always as simple as playing the piano on your private organ. After climbing the corporate ladder all day, and chasing after children all night, the last thing any person may want to do is exercise.

There are toys that help. A veritable cornucopia of useful gadgets and visual aids to release your inner beast. Battery operated buddies are my best friend in the long, dark hours before my kids wake and start making demands to be fed, nurtured and entertained.

With a little technical assistance, a good imagination and a supply of batteries, all one needs to do is plug in, relax and close your eyes.

Yet, I'm a bit of a prude and there is no way I'm walking into a sex shop and demanding to be shown the latest gizmo in self-stimulation. Thankfully, the good ole internet has an abundance of interesting on-line stores to peruse. Better yet, most shops now brown-paper package your gift so that if your neighbour is spying on your parcel pick up you won't be embarrassed the way you are when you go buy your tampons and the teenage cashier calls for a price check on your super-sized soakers while the attractive single dude in line behind you snickers.

There are other benefits on the road of self-satisfaction. It can spice up a dreary marriage. Trust me, a man hears a distant buzzing from the vicinity of his bedroom, he's going to investigate. It's in his DNA. He can't help himself. Masturbation is like jumper cables for the bedroom.

A satisfied single parent is more likely not to drive off any potential suitors with that look of desperation reserved especially for the sex-starved. Not to mention, you will be much more rested and relaxed when it comes to dealing with your little curtain-climbers.

And if you're partner is absent more often than not, a little private tickle will help the nights pass until you can be reunited with the real deal.

There is one other benefit to a little manual manipulation.

Like my mother always said, practice makes perfect.

Comments

[hot mama]

I too have a man whose work keeps him away overnight. A gal has to take matters into her own hands, so to speak.

[cerebralmum]

You know, I fly in the face of this accepted wisdom. I don't bother masturbating. It's just shite. Contrary to the assupmtions people make if this topic comes up, I have done it and I do know how to do it properly. I am not repressed or a prude. Far from it. But I don't think it even comes close to being a substitute for sex.

I think that it's fair to say all men masturbate and that they need to - they produce stuff constantly that needs an out - but the idea promoted nowadays that all women masturbate, and there is something abnormal about them if they don't, is a big fat lie. Just like I have girlfriends who think any sex is better than no sex and tell whoever is not getting laid at the time it will be the answer to all their problems. That may be true for them, and it may be true for others some of the time, but it is not true for everyone all of the time and they are bothmyths that could use some debunking.

I love sex, sex is great, but it's not worth having just to have it for me. Masturbation or a one night stand with any old joe pales in comparison to the real thing. I don't eat cheeseburgers when I really want a thick, juicy steak and, as I said to my mother once, I gotta have the brain f*#& first.

As a single mother of a one year old, I don't expect to be having sex for more years than this one but when I do it will be worth the wait and it will be with someone who rocks my world, even if only for a night.
I've been around the block and I know that sex is not a limited resource. It's as easily to get as a cheeseburger. Nobody is starved when there's a McDonald's on every second street: how often you choose to eat cheesebugers is entirely up to you.

[Heather]

I have a friend who says: Sex with yourself is sex with someone you love.

[Curious Gal]

What this post is missing is links. What are your favorite toys? I've been thinking of buying some, but there are too many to choose from.

[crazymumma]

I've always been curious about those toys.....

....but sadly geriatric that I am, it amazes me that my man of 15 years is stll fascinated by what I got going on

[Mishelle/Secret Agent Mama]

So right on, soooooooo right on!! LOL

[anonymous]

I, like Curious Girl, would also appreciate some recommendations for favorite toys. Maybe you and Hot Mama could put a list together? I listened to you on Mominatrix radio and was hoping you and/or Kristen would have recommendations but you didn't really give the beginner an idea of where to start. There really are so many out there...Help! Thanks :-)

[kgirl]

I'm ok without the toys; I just need a good one-handed read.

[tori]

I myself enjoy them and my hubsband enjoys the fact that I enjoy them! How Funny, it must be in the fall air, I wrote a blog about this very thing this morning.

[tori]

oh and a little side note for those who have yet to try the 'toy' stores....try getting a hand held back massaging unit or a pulsating shower head ;)

[Jennifer McKenzie]

I love my Rabbit. (That's the name folks). My husband works out of town all week and then we have a five and six year old who have knuckles to knock on doors with and know how to use them.
We've found a lot of enjoyment from those toys.
In response to cerebralmom, I just have to say that I was married to a man who "wasn't interested" in sex for seven years. To be honest, I wasn't willing to end a marriage because I wasn't getting laid. I wanted to try and work it out. But what to do in the meantime? I was HORNY! And unlike most of my peers, masturbation was not something I knew or understood.
It wasn't until I watched a show called "Real Sex" on HBO one night in a hotel room that I learned I could "take care of myself".
What an awakening for a twenty-four year old.
I have to say it relieved a lot of tension and cleared the air for other issues to be addressed in the marriage, not just my constant horniness.
Just sayin'

[hot mama]

cerebralmum: I think it's interesting you argue men have a physical need to masturbate that women don't share. I don't think it's that simple: I'd argue it depends on the person. For example, I *need* to masturbate. There are some men who do not. I think I masturbate more than my husband actually.

What do the rest of you think?

Curious Girl and Anonymous: I absolutely agree. I'm working on getting Racy and I some toys to try out and review for you. Hey, it's a tough job, but someone's gottta do it.

[LizB]

I've been happily married for 19 years and the sex is still wonderful. However, I masturbate when the mood strikes because it gives me a different kind of orgasm. I won't say it's better -- just different. Cerrebralmum, you certainly have the right to your opinion, and if it's just not worth it to you, then that's ok. However, I will say, if I were in the mood and without a partner, I'd rather fix my own cheeseburger than get one around the corner at McDonald's. After all, you never know where that burger has been. (Talk about extending the metaphor!!!)

Anyhow, here's my favorite online resource for fun toys that can be used alone or with a partner, for anyone who is interested:
http://shop.libida.com/

[anonymous]

For those of you who would like a recommendation on a great toy, I really like this one: http://www.distinctivetoys.net/products/3012.html

It can be used with your partner or you can use the little vibrator by yourself for clitoral stimulation.

My husband loves it because on those nights when I am tired and not in the mood for marathon sex or exerting the effort it takes to achieve orgasm with sex alone, we can whip this li'l baby out and have a quickie and I come in no time flat.