In Your Dreams

guest post by Kgirl

You are breathing heavily as his hands traverse your body: an unknown landscape eager to be explored. His lips graze your neck, your collarbone. Your back arches to meet his lowering chest and your hands reach to his hips to pull him even closer -

-Mama! Mama! Wake up!

What? What the?

You slowly realize the tragedy of what has just happened. A very hot, dream version of Adam Brody has just been replaced by your very real two-year-old. And she has a stinky diaper.

It's over. Sadly, it is all over. You are not some hot sex goddess locked in a shameless, sweaty dalliance with Adam Brody. You are 34 weeks pregnant. And you are awake.

There are many uncomfortable side effects to deal with in late pregnancy, and only a few physical benefits. The sex dream, however, almost completely makes up for swollen feet, pelvic aches and all the rest. Ok, maybe it doesn't make up for those things, but it certainly helps you forget about them for a little while.

I welcome sex dreams at any point in life, but man oh man, coupled with the explosion of whoremones coursing through your gigantic body, pregnancy sex dreams can be H-O-T. As in, I am a ravishing, ravaging, horny harlot, and you may do with me what you like, Brad. Or George. Or Jake, or in my case, Adam. Or Elliot. Wait a minute. What the hell is Elliot Gould doing in my bedroom? Naked. NAKED! Aaah!

And there in lies the rub. (And not the good kind of rub.) A dream is still a dream, and whacky shit can happen in a dream. One night it can be a hunky celeb making you moan, and the next it might be the fat weirdo that works in the office across from you. Unfortunately, you don't get to choose, and while yes, obviously the goal is to wake up sweaty, it's better if it's not a cold sweat from being grossed out at the realization of what just happened up there in your subconscious.

So, sometimes you get Adam, and sometimes your dreamboat turns out to be a sinking ship. But have you tried having sex for real at 34 weeks pregnant? It's doable, but quite frankly I'd rather take my chances in the dream world.

And of course, there's always The O.C. reruns.

Comments

[nomotherearth]

I have tried. Frankly, it was more of a workout than I was going for...

[crazymumma]

So funny. My whoremones were out of control at about 7 months. I remeber one night mr mumma even said 'nono not again'....unheard of in our house.

I told him not to worry, I only needed him to lie there for a few minutes then he could go to sleep.

Poor guy.

But I never could quite reconcile the nasty ass fantasies I was having alongside the knowledge I had a bun in the oven.

[Alley Cat]

Too funny, especially about Elliot Gould.

[lisa b]

Am I the only one for whom pregnany has absolutley NO upside? other than the child of course.

[christine]

pregnancy sex dream are crazy.

and fun!

[blah, blah, blog]

At 36 weeks pregnant, I am intimately familiar with the whoremone effect.

Creepy factor aside, aren't you amazed at what incredible lovers the 'Eliot Goulds' turn out to be?!

[Denguy]

Oh, yeah, I remember being attacked by The Woo while she was preggo. Attacked, I tell you.

[chilihead]

I had a sex dream with John Hader. Yes. That's the guy from Napolean Dynamite. And I wasn't even pregnant. WTH?

[Bunny]

Pregnancy sex can be pretty hot right up to delivery . . . try being on your hands and knees, with pillows supporting you . . . Works nicely.