Children Killing Children

This week, two Toronto area teens have died as a result of street violence between themselves and other teens. To be clear: the end of last year, and the beginning of this one saw children killing other children. In one of the cases, details are still being determined by police, so little is known. In the other, the altercation stemmed from a boy defending the name of his mother who had died over five years ago.

On New Year's Eve, a 13 year old boy died after nearly a month in hospital, where he was brought two days following a fight with two older boys. The youth was admitted with a brain aneurysm. Over the following two days, two teens were arrested in connection with the incident. They were charged with possession of and assault with weapons, as well as aggravated assault and threatening death, and are presently under house arrest. An investigation is underway to determine if there is a connection between the fight and the brain aneurysm that brought the dead teen to hospital.

On New Year's Day, a 14 year old girl was stabbed by an older boy, allegedly at the request of his girlfriend. She was brought to hospital, where she was pronounced dead. The boy and his girlfriend have been arrested and charged with first-degree murder. No details about the story behind the attack have been released thus far.

Death is a frightening prospect for almost anyone. A child's death is particularly terrifying to anyone; to know that a life was terminated so prematurely is saddening and disheartening. I grew up outside a major U.S. urban centre, where homicide was (and still is) far more prevalent than it is here in Toronto, so I am no stranger to this sort of story. As a teen, I found it disappointing and sad that my peers were doing such things and having their lives ended this way. But, now viewing these events as a parent, I have a very different perspective.

Now, it is no longer just disappointing and sad; it is sickening. It is sickening because now I am a parent who is part of a larger collective known as "the parents of today's children"; a collective that is, by all accounts failing its charges. Sure, I may not be raising a kid who will eventually get her boyfriend to stab another girl, but I doubt that any parent is raising their child with that ideal. Yet still we have these circumstances where children have devalued life to the point that they take it themselves with apparently little concern.

As parents, we may not be doing anything specific to encourage this kind of attitude. It can easily be argued that the blame should be placed at the feet of modern music, or the film and television industry, or even sensationalized news coverage. But that absolves parents of too much. Regardless of what the world shows our children, it is our job as parents to teach our children how to process it. If they see violence on television, our voice should be in their ear telling them that it is a) fiction and b) unacceptable behaviour, either literally (by watching with them) or figuratively (by having instilled those values in them previously). We cannot completely eliminate their exposure to violence, but we can certainly temper it with the knowledge that such actions are to be avoided at all costs.

Now, before someone goes off on me in the comments claiming that I have blamed the parents of these children for their child's actions, I will clearly explain that I do not blame them. It is conceivable that these parents did everything they could to instill a value for life in their offspring to no avail, that they gave birth to incorrigible individuals who were predisposed to violence. Conceivable, yes; but not likely.

Which leaves a question with no answer (at least from me at this time): what can we, as parents, do to help curb violence beyond what we are already trying to accomplish by teaching our children?

To read more SciFi Dad, you can go to Tales From The Dad Side.

Comments

[Julie Pippert]

This is a case of, I think, mistaking common for normal...which is, ironically, normalizing.

We get so used to violence, and hear and see so much of it, fact and fiction, that we mistake it as "just a part of life." Mix that with immaturity and not really understanding the consequences...and you have this tragedy.

That's why I agree with your entreaty to parents, and is why i work so hard to be careful about what my kids see and how to help them interpret what there is no escaping.

Great article. :)

[Leanne]

Yep. I'm there too. I was out with my kids tonight and good friends gave me a hard time when I asked that they change the 13 + rated movie they had put on for our seven year olds....Why are kids exposed to violence so young here?

[mamatulip]

Violence has become so commonplace it's scary. Over the holidays we visited friends who put on a fairly violent movie while Oliver was still awake. We ended up removing him from the room because we didn't want him to see it. I know that as parents we can't shelter them from everything, but I'll bloody well shelter them from unnecessary violence for as long as I can.

[kittenpie]

Adn you wouldn't believe how common it is in some cultures for fights to break out over things somebody said about somebody else's mother. It happened all the time at one library I worked at not long ago. Like almost daily. I dont' get it, but then it was not my culture, and it seemed to be one group in the area.