Whattya Mean No?

by hot mama

It is much easier to write a sex blog when one is actually having sex.

I need to have more sex this year.

But it doesn’t help my ego that my husband just turned me down for a quickie. WTF?

Of course, intellectually I know the stereotype of the always-randy, every-ready male is neither realistic nor fair. But I still expect it, and I’m disappointed in my husband when he disappoints.

Anyone else have this problem? I’d like to hear from the men, too!

Comments

[Crystal]

Definately, me and him don't ever seem to want it at the same time. When I do he's either snoring or watching sport and no amount of sexy whispering or anything else for that matter will shift him. He usually wants it when I feel rough, tired or generally unsexy lol. Any advice? Hugs Crystal xx

[JM]

People think sex is all about what happens between the sheets when the reality is that sex is what happens during the day, the bedroom is just the culmination of the day's activities. Bottom line is, you have to lay the groundwork even for a quickie.

[SassyPants]

One of the reasons my marriage ended was because he never said Yes. It is of course much much more complicated than that but... it is what it is.

I read a blog not too long ago that talked about the difficulties of couples whose libidos don't match up. How do you overcome that?

[Jennifer McKenzie]

I think JM has the clue. Foreplay can occur all day long and then a quickie is TOTALLY possible.
I don't know how many times my husband and I have RUN down the hall after working each other up all day long.
His favorite technique?
He knows my cell phone isn't far from me. If I'm in another room, he'll text message me. Again and again. Dirty stuff.
It's fun.
And then, a quickie is AWESOME.

[TSM]

I have to say that this is one of the sore spots in my marriage. I am (almost) always ready and he rarely wants it. I am turned down more often than not, and while he is polite and loving about it, there are a lot of hurt feelings. What's wrong with me? Why doesn't he want me? Is he getting it elsewhere? Is he gay? You know, the usual :)

Would love to hear of a solution for this. So far we've not found one.

[sex kitten]

Um, yeah. Our level of interests just don't match that well, so this has happened to me a lot. It's tough sometimes, so I try to let him know that it's not going to be often I'll turn him down, should he ever want to intitiate, and try not to let it get to me enough to make me stop trying!

[Bill]

I have turned my wife down on occasion...and it's usually because I'm tired. I'll have good (i.e. naughty) intentions when we head to bed, but I stay home with the kids and sometimes as soon as I hit the mattress I really just want to fall asleep.

Or if I've had a REALLY bad day, sometimes I don't want to feel better... You know how if you're grumpy and someone tries to make you laugh, and you really just don't want to? Kind of like that. It's rare, but sometimes it happens.

Fortunately, we're usually on the same schedule - both of us are too tired! *laugh*

[Bob]

no solutions here, just sympathy. I too get turned down a fair bit, my libido is high and hers is low, sometimes none. (this is due partly to SSRIs) I can't turn elsewhere without ending our marriage so what can I do?

[Jason]

It is a bone (hee!) of contention in our household. I am 99 per cent good to go all the time. The one percent is the booze - the old accordian penis.

I do want more though. Much much more.

J.

[Donna]

Soon after we got married my husband suffered a rib injury. Nobody's doing a damn thing when ribs are hurting. I suddenly felt like I was married to an old man (we were HOT at one time).I got turned down alot. This was hard to take. Then, we had kids. The hardest part is being awake enough and ready when the kids are sleeping-not easy. We do manage to romp now and again, but never a quickie. We've never had a quickie. We enjoy taking our time. This does complicate things, though, although when we get to it it is enjoyable.

[Stacey]

*Raises hand* I think that way too. There is that myth that guys are "always ready", and, though I know it isn't totally accurate (I wish it was!), I do think of it when I'm turned down by my SO. It's just not supposed to be that way! *insert whine here*

[Denguy]

Funny, a quickie is the only thing we seem to have time for.

[TheBoy]

Tricky. My wife and I have similar libido's, but not necessarily at the same time! End of day I need to fall into the bed exhausted, but she's needing a little something to go to sleep. Add on top of that three kids under the age of nine, and finding time is not always easy. So, I have said no to a quickie (not often, but I have). When I'm exhausted things just don't get very hard. Equally, I've got a very occasional, "not now". Life just isn't fair sometimes!