24/7

I'm constantly amazed when I talk to new moms and ask my inevitable question: "How's it going?"  Almost invariably, the answer is "Oh, it's wonderful!  We're just loving every minute!"  I smile and answer something non-committal.  And then I think that I must be the most bitter, negative person alive, because that is SO not the answer I would give.  On a good day, I would say "Well, you know, I'm not getting much sleep and I look pretty haggard, but otherwise it's going okay."

Motherhood, to me, is like being on stage.  I love acting.  I can't wait to get up on stage in front of an audience and do my thing.  I feel so alive.  Colours are brighter, songs are sweeter and emotions are stronger.  Acting takes all of me - heart, mind, body and soul. The thing about acting is, if you're doing it right, it's a lot of work.  At the end of show, I'm spent.  Mentally.  Physically. Emotionally.  A show, though, is generally about two hours long.  And as much as I love being on stage, I certainly wouldn't want to be on stage 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Being a mother though, doesn't end when the curtain goes down. (Heck, it doesn't end even when I go to bed.)  And just like acting, you have to be "on" all the time.  And kids - at least my older Boy - always seem to know when you're phoning it in.  Please don't misunderstand me, I love being a mother.  I don't regret my choice to become one for a single minute.  But I don't for a second think that it's sunshine and puppy dogs all the time.  It's exhausting. Wonderfully, joyfully, lovingly exhausting, but exhausting all the same. 

So if you ask me how it's going, please don't be put off by my seemingly negative answer.  I've just given my best performance in a play called Parenting.  I need a little down time in the wings.

Comments

[sexkitten]

I know what you mean.I don't understand why so many women feels that it's wrong to admit that parenting is tough.

It's the truth.

[metro mama]

I'm just thankful I didn't have to audition for this.

[kittenpie]

yeah - I've been phoning it in quite a bit just lately, and it only spawns demands for real interaction. she's totally on to me, and I've too tired to really turn up the volume for her. sigh.