Reset the Clock

I was talking with a very good friend of mine the other day about how I am not the kind of person who is very good at breastfeeding "on demand".  I'm not a super-rigid scheduler or anything, but I like to know how my day is going to shape up and to plan accordingly.  Every once in a while, I also like to be able to plan ahead for something, and say "Yes, I can meet you at that time."  My problem with breastfeeding on demand is that it doesn't really work like that, does it?  It depends on when the baby wakes up, how hungry the baby happens to be that day, how long the baby can go between feeds, and so on.

With my first, we had huge problems with milk production and weight gain, and we had to feed him on a 3-hour schedule round the clock, whether he was hungry or not.  After doing this for a few months, and finally getting the okay from the doctors in the weight department, I tried to relax the schedule, but found that it was too ingrained by that time.  For some reason, I just couldn't let go.

I've gotten a lot better this time around.  I'm really trying to read the signs and feed him when he's hungry, whether it's been one hour or four.  But I still have trouble with the whole "on demand" thing because it means that I can never leave the baby for longer than an hour or so in case he gets hungry.  I've tried, unsuccessfully, to pump.  It takes me about a week to pump enough for one feed.  It's very frustrating.  So, whenever I go out, it's like I've got this big cloud hanging over my head, and I'm just waiting for it to rain.

No matter how understanding and sympathetic a man can be, I don't think he can truly understand that feeling of being tied to a person like that.  It's a bond that I love and cherish and fully appreciate, don't get me wrong, but it can also be somewhat...limiting.  I don't really have anywhere to go, exactly, but it's the knowledge that I can't go that irks me sometimes.

It occurred to me that the only men who understand what this is like are the hotties from Lost. Every 108 minutes they have to punch a code into the computer or suffer dire consequences.  In between they can go wherever they want, and do whatever they choose, as long as they are back at that computer in time to punch in the code.  You don't realize how little - or how much - you can get done in that amount of time until you're bound by it.

The upside for the Lost characters is that they don't have to deal with diapers or screaming babies in between times.  The upside for breastfeeding mothers, is that we know why we are resetting the clock - to give our babies the best start in life we can.  And although it may seem like I'll be forever bound sometimes, I won't.  And I should cherish this bond knowing that, at the very least, the island won't explode if I don't reset the clock on time...Right?

Comments

[kittenpie]

I worry about that, if this next one takes to breastfeeding. Because as much as the pumping for pumpkinpie was a pain, I stuck to a schedule to keep up production for the growth times, but I could go a little longer if I needed. She always had bottles in the fridge, and anyone could give it to her if needed. So there were benefits, for sure, to not being physically bound in that way. My friend's baby won't take a bottle, so she is finding herself stuck as the only source, too, and it makes being away for any amount of time really tough.

[Lisa b]

My oldest didn't take a bottle until she was ten months. The round the clock unpredictability drove me INSANE. oh yes it did.
So I prayed and prayed for this one to take a bottle.
Is everyone laughing?