Of Traditions, Old & New

Do you have family traditions?  Those centered around holiday celebrations, perhaps, or things you did with your family as a child?  Was there a special dinner you always ate on your birthday, or a special sweater you always wear on valentine's day, perhaps?

Growing up, we didn't have that many traditions.  Not so many rituals, really.  We celebrated the Jewish holidays at my grandparents.  We went to synagogue only twice a year. Birthdays were nice, but never anything major, and there was certainly no ritual attached to them.

This past week, Jewish people around the world have been celebrating the festival of Passover.  It began with two ceremonial dinners, or Seders, and lasts 8 days, during which we are unable to eat bread and other food items.   

As a child, I remember the Seder dinners at my grandparents house.  My grandfather did the readings a bit too fast, but there was ceremony to it.  The four questions, being sung by my older cousins, me, and then my younger cousins.Eating the different symbolic foods. The singing of Dayeinu.  The complaints of hunger (are we at the eggs yet?) because it seemed to take forever to get to the actual food!  The opening of the door for Elijah.  Searching for (and my never EVER finding) the afikomen.  These are things that I remember.

This year, we had one of the Seder dinners at my grandfather's house (my grandmother is not longer with us), and we had one at our house.  My grandfather still led both, but it was different.  Things were missed, things were glossed over.  The ceremony, the tradition - it just didn't feel right.  I was left feeling empty.

So I ask myself one very important question.  Is this what I want my children to remember about Passover?  The answer, of course, is a resounding No!

This got me thinking about traditions, and what I think is important. We've already started a tradition by having the Seder dinner at our home.  This was our 4th year, and the first year that I did it (almost) all by myself.  For that I am proud.

We used a cup that my older son decorated last year at preschool for the symbolic Elijah's cup.  We used a matzah cover that my younger son decorated at his class this year.  These items we will keep, and use again.

Continuing traditions are so important.  But developing them, making the traditions of the future are what we have to do now.  I don't want to tell my grandfather that we don't want him to lead the dinners anymore.  After all, he's over 90 years old, and has been doing this for a very long time.  The conundrum is bringing our new traditions in, to tie with the old, and make it fresh for the next generation.

What sort of traditions do you have in your family?  What traditions do you hope to give your children?

Comments

[kgirl]

I wrote a post about this a while ago. My family now has evolved (or devolved, as the case may be) to something very different than it was in my childhood. But there are certain things that transcend time, place - even death. Those are the things that we keep going; that we give to our kids.

[motherbumper]

So many of the traditions of my childhood are tied to my religious upbringing. Since I married out of the faith, my husband wasn't familiar with some of traditions I want to pass on - but over the past few years he has learned about their background, respects them and is happy to join in. Most revolve around Christmas and Lent and he finds it fascinating to learn about about it when I'm teaching them to B.

[kittenpie]

We had few traditions growing up - we were not religious, and my parents valued flexibility over continuity. We did have those few things - carrot cakes for birthdays, lobster for Christmas Eve dinner, those sort of small markers, but not much. Misterpie's family, on the flip side, is so tradition-bound that I find it stifling. So for our family, we are seeking to find a middle ground, with some traditions that we can both agree on but room for evolution as to their exact nature. Still, it does not tend to be religious in nature. I occasionally wonder if we miss something, as many ceremonies have strong elements of beauty and awe, but I suppose we find these elsewhere, and I hear often enough that those elements only surface at certain times and places in their lives.

[kittenpie]

We had few traditions growing up - we were not religious, and my parents valued flexibility over continuity. We did have those few things - carrot cakes for birthdays, lobster for Christmas Eve dinner, those sort of small markers, but not much. Misterpie's family, on the flip side, is so tradition-bound that I find it stifling. So for our family, we are seeking to find a middle ground, with some traditions that we can both agree on but room for evolution as to their exact nature. Still, it does not tend to be religious in nature. I occasionally wonder if we miss something, as many ceremonies have strong elements of beauty and awe, but I suppose we find these elsewhere, and I hear often enough that those elements only surface at certain times and places in their lives.