Pressure is not cool without Bowie and Queen

Am I the only person who liked the Will Ferrell movie Kicking & Screaming?  Although I'm a huge Ferrell fan, I generally find his movies to be, in essence, simply overextended Saturday Night Live skits  (With notable exceptions:  Elf and Anchorman).  But this one amused me, despite it's portrayal of coffee as an evil personality-changing drug. Mmm, coffee is your friend...come on over to the dark side...oh, um, er - sorry I digress.

Funny thing is, I really thought that the idea of scarily competitive coaches and parents was kind of an urban legend; something to amuse moviegoers and TV watchers, but not actually founded in reality.

Not so, according to Carl Honoré, author of Under Pressure: rescuing childhood from the culture of hyper-parenting*.  In his book, he presents the real dangers of this new age of parental micromanagement that attempts to create the über-child.  I was really excited to read this book, because I am a huge proponent of the movement to slow down, and get kids back the basics of good old-fashioned fun and love of learning.  I also loved that with Honoré, I'd finally be getting a Canadian perspective.

While I thoroughly enjoyed the book, and read it surprisingly quickly considering that I have a small baby at home, I must admit that I was a little underwhelmed by the book.  I will preface that statement with the fact that I am a heavy-duty reader in this subject area.  It was written with the general reader in mind, though, so while I found it a little too light sometimes, people who haven't done the extensive reading that I have on these types of topics will find it most satisfactory.  It also didn't help that I found the book to be slightly more skewed in favour of families with school-aged children, and mine are still three and under.

There's a lot to like here, though, especially if you suspect that your family is caught up in the race to create the next intellectual, athletic, or artistic superstar.  Honoré is very well-read on the topic, and took the time to talk and visit with people the world over when writing this book.  He covers a lot of hot-button issues like technology addiction, homework loads, discipline, consumerism, and the over-scheduling of extracurricular activities.  The author offers reasonable alternatives to the madness.

As a parent of young children, what caught my interest was his discussion of new types of preschools that are breaking the current mold.  The Reggio preschool approach, for example, doesn't teach the regular curriculum but rather delves into topics that are initiated by the children's interests.  Teachers put ideas and materials into the mix but don't take over, and projects are begun without a clear idea of where they might lead.  He also talks of a preschool in Scotland that is held entirely out of doors - regardless of the weather - where children learn from nature.  I found these fascinating ideas.

As to the whole "cultured childhood" idea, I will share with you a quote that has stayed  with me, and if you like it you may want to check out the rest:

When everything is scheduled, you never learn how to come up with your own ideas or make your own entertainment.  Lori Sampson sees this in her own family in Ridgewood.  She kept her daughter, Megan, busy from early on, shipping her from organized activity to schedule playdate and back again.  By the time her son, Michael, was born three years later, however, she was too exhausted to do the same, and so he grew up with much more free time.  Today the two children, aged fourteen and eleven, are like chalk and cheese.  "Megan will come to our room in the evening now and ask if she should read a book, whereas Michael will just go to his room and read," says Sampson.  "She is always looking to us for ideas and guidance on how to use her time, while he just gets on with it."

While I won't say this is the best book I have ever read, I do think it's worth having a read.  Especially if you're a fame-hungry control-freak like me.  (Is it just me??  Shoot.)

*Review copy provided by Random House of Canada.

Comments

[SciFi Dad]

Leave it to me to bring out the Star Wars quote, but... "The more you tighten your grasp, the more they will slip through your fingers."

Kids are kids, and while we can give them a map and help them pack their bag, it is up to them to find their treasure. We cannot make them into anything, we can only help them get there.

[Erin]

Here's the rub for me. I am a bit of a control freak and i sure would like to be a published writer some day but I don't need to be successful or recognized. I'd hate it if I were, in fact. Being an underachiever has its rewards. And as for my children, all I really want for them is to be happy and well fed; nice would be an extra. They get all the time they need to indulge in the (excitingly) mundane, like buying a garage sale pair of rollerblades and sitting in the ditch, sharing them with all the neighbourhood kids, each taking their turn to bobble down the street and back. Is this not success, or what?

[Beck]

Hey, I was a bit underwhelmed by that book, too! But the fast reading nature of it did make me hope that it would reach its target audience - the parents pressuring their munchkins.

[kittenpie]

I can see how the book would be scant, because it doesn't seem like a topic you'd have to say a lot about to get the point across, to me - slow down so your kids can grow some of their own imagination and learn to entertain themselves. But then again, it seem basic to me because that's how I think, too. One or two activities is quite enough, and beyond that, I am into kids finding their own games or niches.

[Mouse]

Scooter is currently finishing what is supposed to be a non-competitive mini-soccer league, a chance for 4- and 5-year-olds to learn some basics. When I signed him up, I did not realize that "scrimmages" would be games against other teams. I've been particularly shocked by how much parents are yelling even at scrimmages during practice. I experienced the same thing at a pre-school sports activity--over relays with balloons. We'll be sticking with the one activity Scooter truly enjoys (gymnastics, at a school that is intentionally non-competitive) and save team sports until a time when he starts begging us to go.

[alpha.dogma]

So the premise of the book is hyper-parenting is bad AND the ill-effects of over-scheduling kids, BUT it advocates pre-school?

I find that an interesting juxtaposition, because for me the first step to ensuring my kids have a traditional, stress-free childhood was keeping them out of preschool.

I'll have to borrow this book from the library.

[Painted Maypole]

well darn. i was going to whip out the flashcards now that my child has been determined to have "superior" IQ, but I guess I'll just let her go back to climbing the tree.

;)