Rituals

Last week I was talking to some friends, and the topic of traditions came up.  Family traditions, and rituals.  I was asked, essentially, what family traditions we had when I was growing up.

And I came up blank.

Well, not completely blank.  We did go for Chinese food with the whole family on Sunday nights.  Some Sunday nights.  Certainly not ritualistically. 

And then I thought about my life now.  How I'm hesitant to embrace something that's ritualistic, often feeling like it becomes a burden.  I had never made this connection before, but it was a bit of a revelation for me.

Last week I was talking to some friends, and the topic of traditions came up.  Family traditions, and rituals.  I was asked, essentially, what family traditions we had when I was growing up.

And I came up blank.

Well, not completely blank.  We did go for Chinese food with the whole family on Sunday nights.  Some Sunday nights.  Certainly not ritualistically. 

And then I thought about my life now.  How I'm hesitant to embrace something that's ritualistic, often feeling like it becomes a burden. I had never made this connection before, but it was a bit of a revelation for me.

Then I thought about my own family. I want my boys to remember our rituals fondly, to want to continue them with their own children.  I don't want them to struggle to remember things we did as a family, they need to be right up there in their minds.

So, instead of lamenting what I don't have, we've decided it's time to make our own rituals.  Traditions have to start somewhere, right?

One ritual we have now is Friday night dinner with my husband's mother & sister.  We don't do it every Friday night, but enough that it's the rule as opposed to the exception.  In the past, sometimes I felt pressured, and resented what I saw as the obligation to host them.  But now I've reframed my thinking.  I look forward to the conversation.  I enjoy watching my sons play with their bubbie (grandmother) and aunt.  And I enjoy the company.  And the fact that we don't do it every single week only makes the rest more special. 

What traditions or rituals do you have with your family?  Did you have these growing up, or are you making your own?  Please share!

Comments

[kgirl]

we're big on sunday summer bbqs with the whole fam, and we do things like apple picking, going to the pumpkin patch, having a big birthday & big halloween celebration each year. hopefully these are things that the girls will look back on fondly.

[kittenpie]

My family was not one with many rituals, either. And I found that I chafed when other people tried to put rituals in place FOR me, like the Sunday in-law dinners I insisted we discontinue when we had a gracious way to do so. I don't like rituals that are too freuqent, either, as they seem a burden to wedge in among the many other things.

Instead, I like to have a few over the year, thoguh I sometimes even find those depressing in their sameness. I am wroking on creating for our family rituals that can be evolved or tweaked as time goes by, while remaining essentially the same. An advent calendar that can be filled with different things each year at Christmas time, some spring planting that could take place in different places or with different plants each year, outside eating with different friends or neighbours or just ourselves that marks the summer months. Things that seem not too scripted are just about my style, while I think they are still strong enough markers of certain times to create the stuff of memories.

[Cassie]

Our only real tradition is one that comes from my husband's family. Every year at Thanksgiving we exchange personalized Christmas tree ornaments with each other. It is very sweet and means that we end up with a lot of special ornaments.

Now that baby #1 is about to be born, I am hoping to start some more traditions for our little family!

[Don Mills Diva]

My family is pretty big into sing-a-longs. We meet at my parents and an aunt or uncle's house for dinner followed by paino, guitar, accordian and lots of singing. My husband once said he had no idea he had married into the Von Trapp family.