All I Really Need to Know I Learned in (Tom Goes to) Kindergarten

The other morning it was really muggy out, and the forecast called for thunder-showers, so I decided to bundle the kids into the stroller and go to our local library. 

Our regular routine is that we sit around and read books for a while, and then my three-year-old chooses five books to take home with us - either from the ones we've read, or new ones from the shelf.  I try to help by finding books that I think might appeal to him, but generally I let him choose on his own, and then quickly rifle through it to make sure it's age and length appropriate.

Little did I know that this simple, seemingly innocuous act, would result in my imminent upbraiding.

After we read at the table, the baby spit up all over me and the floor.  And promptly wanted to eat again.  I didn't want to get stuck with a screaming, hungry baby in the stroller, so I went over to a bench near the window and tried to discreetly feed him.  Of course, my other son was doing laps from the reading table to the bench, so it probably wasn't all that discreet played quietly while he waited.

When the baby finished, we didn't have much time to look for books before growly tummies would necessitate lunch, so we quickly went over to the shelves and grabbed some books.  My older son chose a bright yellow hardcover picture book called Tom Goes To Kindergarten.  I flipped through it quickly and it had lovely illustrations and a story that looked to be just the right length for his attention span.  I also thought that eventhough he doesn't go to kindergarten for another year, it might be a good plan to introduce the concept to him.  So we checked it out with the other mostly truck or duck themed books, we must really like words that have the sound "uck" at our house books.

After a way too short nap, we sat down on the living room floor to have storytime with our new books.  Curious about the big yellow book, we opened that one first.  On one level, it's just a book that parents might read to their kids to prepare them for their first day of kindergarten.  It illustrates to kids that it's normal to be nervous, but that they don't have to be afraid.

But that's not what got my attention.

Tom is an energetic, creative little guy who is constantly asking his parents to play pretend with him.  His parents, while loving and caring, always seem to have chores to do that prevent them from playing with him.  When he gets scared on the first day of school, and the teacher invites them to stay for the day, they look at their watches.  But they agree to stay, and they have a fabulous time playing.  The next day, they want to stay and play all day, but Tom doesn't need any more reassurance, and he reminds them that they should be at work.  They skulk off to the "real world" and look lonely and miserable as they go about their daily tasks.  Then they decide to play on their own, while anxiously waiting for Tom to come home.

I was really surprised to find my heart beating a little faster, and my eyes tearing up.  I couldn't understand why the book caused such a visceral reaction.  And then suddenly I got it.  I saw myself in Tom's parents.  I used to be a parent who put a priority on playing with my son.  If he asked me to join in, I would be right there without hesitation.  But ever since the baby was born, I seem to have lost that desire to play.  I'm tired all the time, and I always have "just one more thing to do" before I can play - in the hopes that when the kids are asleep, I can just flake out and relax.

I know that I can't play all the time.  Chores do have to be completed in order for the household to run smoothly.  Kids need to understand that.  But I also know that I've been hiding behind the chores a bit too much lately.  It's good, I think, to remember that the kids will only be young for a very short time.  Sooner than I would like, they will grow up and away, and would be horrified if their mom wanted to play with them.  And I will have missed this window of time when youthful creativity runs rampant, a joyous romp through the fantastical world of make-believe.

It's funny how something as simple as the forlorn look on the faces of some panda parents in a picture book can show me that I need to be more present, or I just might regret it in the future.

Photo credit: Albert Whitman & Company

Comments

[Wendy]

I'm definately going to pick that one up! I love when children's books are written for the family.

"Tom" made me think of a book that we got for our DD#1. When we were at the meeting at school for parents who's kids are starting JK in September, the kindergarten teacher read us "The Kissing Hand". I cried. In a gym full of adults, I cried becuase of a children's book. After you read it, you'll understand completely. Contact me if you wanna know more cuz I'd hate to ruin it for everyone by giving out too much info.

[Beck]

Aw. Don't feel bad. Really, one of the most important things that my kids have learned from having siblings IS how to be more self-reliant. My oldest child used to depend on me to keep her entertained, but my other two kids are MUCH better at playing on their own.

[kittenpie]

I'm feeling that way a bit already, being tired and not being able to easily sit down on the floor or run or anything requiring me to bend in the middle. I know the first few weeks after The Bun comes are going to be tough for Pumpkinpie, too, and the exhaustion that comes with a baby will impact on her. I hate that, but it also makes me pleased with my decision to keep her in daycare with friends and teachers who have more energy! That way, I can try and save up a little for when she's home, same as I do now.

But you know? I bet you're doing fine. The best you can is just that - the best you can.

[Woman in a window]

You've got to know just how much I get this. It's painful, isn't it, to realize our shortcomings and how easily we might overcome them. And hey, we might just have fun along the way. Sometimes, though, for my old bones it just hurts to play. My brain doesn't seem to be wired that way.

[Woman in a window]

Argle! My first comment got lost!

So, anyhoo, I was typing...I totally get you on this one. It seems I'm no longer wired this way. It seems like such effort to play. But when I do invariably I have fun, too. Boy, we parents sure are slow learners, aren't we?

[Lisa b]

oh you got even cynical bitter ol me choked up here. I am so sad at the amount of patience I have these days and the priorities to do other things while I should just play!