Look at Me!

Not too long ago, our preschooler came home with his daycare report card.  Well, I guess it's not exactly a 'report card' since he doesn't get graded or anything.  It's more like a developmental progress report.  On it was the comment that our son "likes to call attention to himself".  It was unclear whether or not this was supposed to be a positive or a negative comment, but regardless, we couldn't have been more proud.  As a child of two actor parents, it's no surprise that our kid likes attention.

Actors are a strange breed, though.  It's assumed that anyone who goes into acting is an attention whore.  And while I think that there is some truth to that, it's not always the case.

I was having an interesting conversation with a friend of mine the other day about jewellery.  We were discussing how it's necessary to wear jewellery, because accessories make what you're wearing an outfit instead of just a bunch of clothes.  However, I almost never wear jewellery - other than my wedding ring, of course (Hi Honey!).  I use the excuse that it's because I have grabby children under four who can't keep their hands to themselves, but the reality is that I don't like calling attention to myself.  This is especially true of chunky jewellery.  It looks so fabulous when I see it on other people, but as soon as it's on me, all I can think about is taking it off asap.  It might as well be a necklace or bracelet made up entirely of live snakes.  (Ugh.  Just thinking about jewellery made of snakes gives me heebie-jeebies.)

I don't know what happened to me, though.  I used to only buy jewellery that were conversation pieces (read: totally nerdy).  I had earrings that were comedy/tragedy masks made out of hardened leather, hoop earrings that had planes going around in a circle, wire earrings shaped to look like people going up and down stairs, plastic picture earrings with Paul Young (swoon) on them, chunky Wonder-Woman-style bracelets, toe rings.  I even had the cartilage at the top of my ear pierced at one point.  Anything to get some attention. 

These days, if I wear stud earrings, my engagement ring and my diamond solitaire necklace, I must be going to a Super Fancy Occasion.  For the most part, though, I prefer to remain anonymous.  Appropriately and impeccably dressed if possible, but anonymous.  I still love to be on stage with hundreds of people watching me do my thing, but I feel awkward if they applaud.  I adore hearing compliments, but I'm embarrassed and usually mutter a shy "thank you" before turning the conversation to something else.  It's not that I don't seek attention, and certainly not that I don't think I deserve attention.  I just don't know what to do with it when I get it, so I often try to avoid the situation altogether.

I have NO problem with praise for my children, however.  I'm overjoyed to hear that they're making a good impression.  I'm thrilled when I tell my son that he's good at drawing and he answers, "Yes, I am." 

I want that self-assurance.  I don't want to become the kind of mother who lives her life vicariously through her children: the quintessential stage mom.  I want to set a good example for them by going out and doing the things that make me happy, so they know how important it is take a turn in the spotlight.  So that when it comes time for their light to shine, they won't be inclined to use a dimmer switch.

Comments

[kittenpie]

I wear small jewelry for the same reason.

But I don't think wanting our kids to be confident is necessarily a stage mom trait. I think we just know that the world and growing up will erode that confidence over time anyhow, so they may as well start with lots.

[bea]

Well, it makes sense to me that actors are people who have a powerful need for attention coupled with an equally powerful and contradictory desire to hide behind a mask.

[Painted Maypole]

you know, the attention thing is a tough nut, and I am very similar. I think for me it's that I don't want attention all the time, and also that when I do get attention, I want it to brief and positive for something I am proud of... a short "loved the show" is perfect for me

[Painted Maypole]

oh wow. bea's comment is very insightful (of course, as always, that smart bea....)