The masochism of beauty

No I am not a masochist.

At least I don't think I am, though a logical person might dispute that assertion. I mean, logically, why would I willingly submit to, and spend my hard-earned money on, a painful ritual involving hot wax and tender bits?

You've probably done it too, haven't you? And there's no logic to it. It's the masochism of beauty and it's made a victim of even smart and enlightened women for thousands of years

About four years ago Rob and I did some traveling in Northern Thailand where the long-necked women of the Padaung Hill Tribe are a big tourist attraction. From a very early age the women put heavy rings around their necks which push down on their shoulders and collarbones in order to elongate the neck.

The ritual is part of an ancient beauty ideal and the result is an  impossibly long neck and an upper skeleton so compressed and weak it is said their heads would actually collapse if the rings were removed. Although the tribe has modernized in many other respects, some women still practice this tradition today, not for cultural reasons, but because it allows them to earn money as a tourist attraction.

Ultimately Rob and I declined to go visit the village famed for the "giraffe" women because we didn't want to be part of a cycle which encouraged women to essentially mutilate themselves for economic gain.

And yet I can't help but wonder how different those women are from women in North America who undergo cosmetic surgery in order to boost their careers.

After all, for many years it has been common for sex workers and women in the adult entertainment industry to get breast implants that are so disproportionate to their body, they are certainly a source of discomfort and pain.

But back to the painful ritual to which I submit on a monthly basis. While I am gratified that I do not need to feed my family by placing rings around my neck and I'm proud (most of the time) that my breasts are 100% real, I do, quite literally, suffer for beauty.

Every four weeks I suffer a painful grooming ritual - a bikini wax - that several years ago was the exclusive purview of strippers and porn stars. Less than 10 years ago I vividly remember sneering at the notion that "real" people would visit their aesthetician for this purpose and vowing it would be a cold day in hell before I subscribed to the ideal that women should be smooth and hairless.

I shudder to think which grooming rituals or cosmetic procedures will have become mainstream when any future daughter of mine is old enough to feel she should tow the line, but I feel helpless to stop the cycle.

After just a few years I'm at the point where I just don't feel good about myself if I'm not groomed. And I want to feel good about myself, I need to feel good about myself. If I don't feel good about myself, well, I'm quite simply not going to feel like my confident diva self, and by extension, be as happy or successful at my job as I currently am.

Oh dear.

Do you suppose there are women out there somewhere who would pity me in the same manner that I pity the long-necked women of the Padaung Hill Tribe or the hopeless young women who super-size their breasts in order to excel at their job as some man's fantasy?

Comments

[Vic]

Someone should start an 'international hairy month' so we can all kick this hassle-filled hair-removal habit! If only there were a quick, painless, permanant and above all, cheap way of doing things.

[Common Mom]

I have never done a bikini wax . . . and probably never will. I do, however, get my unibrow and mustache removed once a month . . . not pleasant. I can't see myself ever waxing anything else. OUCH!

[Jenn @ Juggling Life]

Aside from the pain aspect it's always sort of creeped me out because I associate being "groomed" with a prepubescent state of being. I think it's an age thing--I'm 44.

[Shannon]

I'm a waxer too, and I hate that I do it, but I just can't seem to give up. It's as bad as colouring my hair - I hate that I subscribe to these beauty rituals/grooming ideals, but sadly I can't seem to give it up.

[Dawn]

Waxing is definitely a form of torture, and I'm not very fond of coloring my hair either but I can't seem to give them up either.

[Anita]

It is amazing some of the things we women do. I've done the bikini a few times and although I do feel a wee bit better when "groomed" I can't be bothered with the pain and trying to find the time to fit such a project in.

[Cheryl]

I just can't do the waxing thing, although I'm sure my husband would be very pleased it I did. I color my hair, but I think that is more for me. I do feel better when I do things for myself, but not for my husband. For some reason that just makes me very grumpy, why shouldn't he like me the way I am? I shower, dress nice and wear a little bit of make up. That should be enough. For me it comes down to wishing I could accept myself better, for who I am right now, instead of trying to conform. Waxing aside, I try way too hard to confrom, and I hate it.

[womaninawindow]

"Although the tribe has modernized in many other respects, some women still practice this tradition today, not for cultural reasons, but because it allows them to earn money as a tourist attraction."
Well, holy crap! I didn't realize their motivation had changed over the years. And yay to you for not participating, but then that all gets conflugety 'cause they do need money, don't they? So difficult to draw the lines!

Wonderful post! (I find I don't need to wax as I only swim in my snowsuit.)

[kittenpie]

I figure we all find our comfort level with this stuff. Some women dont' at all, some women go the full monty. Me, I like to be trim and tidy, but don't go the whole bald eagle route, because ti creeps me out to think of looking like a prepubescent. Not all bikini waxes are brazilians, after all!

[Athena]

Grooming is always a PITA but necessary for the most part. . why not try laser hair removal? Then you won't have to go through so much pain regularly.