1) When there's a hole in tha buckit! <
2) When it rains. (Thas' for laundry too, yanno!)
3) Shower? Isn't that sumthin' that those folk in Ontario do?*
*(Canada joke; substitute 'the city' for 'Ontario' for broader relevance.)
Okay, admit it: you've always wanted to shower the Redneck Mommy. Lather her up, scrub her down... that girl was made for showers. And she was just askin' for this one - what with this whole becoming a new mommy and all.
(Editorial note: CATHERINE IS AN AUNTY SQUEEEEE! You can, for this weekend, all refer to me as His Bad Redneck Aunty, thankee very much.)
(Where were we?)
Our dear, dirty Tanis is bringing home her boy this weekend, and we - myself, Kristen and Katie - thought that it would be all kinds of awesome to celebrate. And we thought that the best way to celebrate would be to get in touch with our inner rednecks and ask the Internets to play along. So, here's how we're showering: tell us how YOU are a redneck mommy or daddy. Have you ever carried your baby around, oh, say, Nashville, with paper towels stuffed down his shitty pants because you forgot diapers and he crapped himself in Jack's BBQ and oh god they just don't sell diapers in downtown Nashvegas and please, please, does anyone have a maxipad even??? (Not that I'd personally know anything about that *cough*) Have you ever bathed your kid in a bucket? Have you ever answered the door with your nursing bra flaps down? Have you ever, even once, worn rollers in your hair and held a baby on your hip and thought to yourself, DAMN I'd look hot standing outside of a trailer right now?
Sometime between now and Sunday midnightish, put up a post on the theme of You Know You're A Redneck Mommy (Or Daddy) When... Once you've posted, send your link
along to Katie, (firstname.lastname@example.org) and she'll compile and put them all up here for Tanis to peruse at her rednecky leisure and for us to laugh at while we do our whiskey shots out of old bean cans.
Oh! And buttonz! Code below...
And because it just wouldn't be a sudsy enough shower without prizes, everyone who participates will be eligible to win their choice of one of the following (names drawn at random):
3. One Redneck Mommy Makeover Basket (including your very own set of rollers, hair net, blue eye shadow, Jean Nate eau de toilette - toilet water y'all! but not that kind! fancy PARIS TOILET WATER like they has in FRANCE! - and one unopened canister of certified ozone-burning Aqua Net hairspray.)
4. One Redneck Gourmet (say that goor-METT) Dinner Basket, complete with macaroni and cheese, pork and beans, a pack of Canadian cigarettes and some Big League Chew.
And if you want to do some extra showerin', maybe consider throwing a little sumthin' into our little tin can - we're collectin' monies for supplies for newest redneck, who has some special needs: drop it paypal-style at email@example.com
And/or consider making a donation to one of the following charities in honor of Tanis' angel boy, Shale, who we know, we KNOW, is just so super happy that he's getting a brand-new brother and that his mommy is bringing home another soul to hug and love:
There it is: The Great Rootin' Tootin' Shootin' Redneck Shower Yee-HAW! Go wild!
Wild Redneck Mommy Participants
- We are all Redneck Mommies on the inside. (Yes, you are. Dig deep.) - CityMama
- Redneck Shower - Backpacking Dad
- With Love, to Redneck Mommy - The Silent "I"
- Nope. No damn rednecks over here. Nuh-uh. - Sarcastic Mom
- To Redneck Mommy - Mr. Big Dubya
- You know you're a Redneck family when... Because I Must Blog
- Ode to a Redneck Shower - OutdoorDogs
- In Which I Shower With Redneck Mommy - Honea Express
- You Know You're a Redneck Mommy When... - Keyboard Revolutionary
- A Redneck Mommy Makeover - Motherhood Uncensored
- My Redneck Mommy Confession - Loralee's Looney Tunes
- If it doesn’t have fireworks or a six-pack of Coors, is it REALLY a redneck celebration? - Hope4Peyton
- Rednecks and showers: A unusual combination - Mom-101
- Rednecks - Downeastsmurfette's Blog
- Being a Redneck... - Wandering the Academy
- The Kind of Shower That's BYOB - Playa Minded
- Nekkid Chilluns and Dirt - Drifting Divergence
- You Know You're a Redneck Parent When... - Her Bad Mother
- Redneck Love - Sweetney
- Celebrating My Inner Rednecked... ness - A Day in the Life...
- Showering the Redneck Mommy - Cynical Dad
- There's a little bit of redneck in all of us - mothergoosemouse
- You Know You're A Redneck Mommy When - Avitable
- The Redneck Mommy Shower: A Virtual Jello Salad - White Trash Mom
- You Know You're Are a Redneck When... - fussypants
- My Redneck Mommy Moment - Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas
- So Redneck I Don't Even Notice - Queen of the Shake-Shake
- Redneck Shower - Assertagirl
- You know you're a redneck mommy when... - Charming & Delightful
- You Might Be A Redneck If Your Child Is A Toothless Wonder - Kittenpie
- You Know You're A Redneck Family When... - motherbumper
- She puts the hitch in my giddy up - Chicky Chicky Baby
- Redneck mommy baby shower - The Bloggess
- You say Redneck, I say Hoosier - Growing A Pair
- A Redneck Shower - Sarah and the Goon Squad
- Happy V Day to the New Redneck Family - Michelle's Blog
- Because rednecks make the world go 'round - Mama Tulip
- For All The Redneck Mommys Out There - Mommy's Joy
- Redneck Shower - Pandora' Ethernet Connection
- I Live For this Stuff - Their Wicked Stepmother
- Serious advice for the new Redneck - Shut Up I'm Talking
- A Little Bit Redneck - Mac and Cheese
- It's Not Me, It's You. Well, Maybe A Little Me. - Mr. Lady
- You know you're a redneck when... - Peace, Love, & Acoustic Guitars
- Rednecks - I'm Their Mommy
- Redneck Mommy, Redhead Mommy... Whatever - A Southern Fairytale
- Things That Make Me White Trash - Bourbon in my Bottle
- You just might be a Redneck Mommy - Mommy Always Wins